Daily Golden Girls: 12/31/11

Sophia: Oh, Pussycat, just the person I'm looking for. I have a question for you, strictly hypothetical. Let's say a man wants to take you on a date.
Dorothy: Why is that hypothetical?
Sophia: Check your calendar, Pussycat.

“What The Hell Goes On At Night In This House?”

Daily Golden Girls: 12/29/11

Sophia: If I know my Dorothy, there's only one thing that makes her this happy.
Rose: You're going back to Shady Pines?
Sophia: No, you moron, she has a date!

Daily Golden Girls: 12/28/11

Dorothy: Oh, come on, Ma. That's superstitious nonsense. You know, step on a crack, break your mother's back. It doesn't work. I know...I tried.

Daily Golden Girls: 12/27/11

[Sophia is watching a dirty movie]

Dorothy: Hi, Ma. Whatcha watching?
Sophia: I dunno, one of those Steven Spielberger movies.
Dorothy: That's not a Steven Spielberg movi-...what are they doing?
Sophia: You know what they're doing. We had that talk when you were 12.
Dorothy: Ma, I can't believe this! You rented a dirty movie?
Sophia: Dirty is in the eye of the beholder. Okay, that's a little dirty.
Dorothy: I cannot watch any more of this.

[Dorothy is pressing buttons on the remote. Rose and Blanche enter the room]

Rose: Hi.
Sophia: Wrong button. That's fast forward.
Rose: Oh, my.. what are they doing?
Blanche: I know what they're doing, but I never saw anyone do it at that speed.
Rose: It reminds me of my Uncle Ricky's rabbit farm!

[Dorothy presses another button]

Sophia: That's reverse, Dorothy.
Blanche: I did that once. It was his birthday.

Daily Golden Girls: 12/26/11

Sophia: Jealousy is an ugly thing, Dorothy. And so are you, in anything backless.

Merry Christmas from the Golden Girls!

Blanche: I can't help it. There's something about a man in a Santa Claus suit that just drives me absolutely crazy! I don't know. Maybe it's-- it's the warmth of all that red, hot, sweaty flannel, set against the austere coldness of those black, patent leather, jack boots...OR maybe it's because those rosy cheeks and twinkling eyes bespeak a passion that is about to erupt from a man who just spent a cold, lonely year cooped up with a pack of dwarfs! I'm not sure. All I know is the sight of a Santa sets my body aflame with unbridled desire!
Dorothy: Blanche, you do realize you're in the minority on this?

Blanche's Calendar

Daily Golden Girls: 12/23/11

I have to say what I feel.
Miami has so much appeal
A great place to get a seafood meal
Mi-a-mi...
Miami, Miami, you've got style
Blue skies, sunshine, white sand by the mile
When you live in this town, each day is so fine
The coldest of winters are warm and divine
Miami, Miami, you've got style
Blue skies, sunshine, white sand by the mile
There's golf clubs and nightclubs all within reach
Dance the samba till morning, then lie on the beach
Each view is a postcard, each day a great time
It's the cream of the crop, it's the top of the line
Miami, Miami, you've got style
Blue skies, sunshine, white sand by the mile
Miami... you've got style!!!

Daily Golden Girls: 12/22/11

Blanche: I never had PMS.
Rose: Neither did I. But I had a BMW.

Daily Golden Girls: 12/21/11

[discussing menopause]

Dorothy: What is the big deal, Blanche? It's nothing. Look at it this way: you don't get cramps once a month. You don't go on eating binges once a month. You don't get crazy once a month.
Sophia: You just grow a beard.
Dorothy: Don't listen to her, Blanche.
Sophia: You grow a beard, Dorothy! Believe me, I woke up one morning, I looked like Arafat!
Blanche: Oh, my GOD!
Rose: I never grew a beard!
Sophia: You never grew brains, either!

Daily Golden Girls: 12/20/11

Blanche: But how can I say no to the man I love? I can't even say no to the men I like!

Daily Golden Girls: 12/19/11

Blanche: Well, what do you know? Sophia has a past!
Sophia: That's right! But unlike yours, I didn't need penicillin to get through it.

Daily Golden Girls: 12/18/11

Dorothy: I am exhausted. I went to at least a dozen ticket brokers today. They all told me the only way I'm going to get tickets is to go to a scalper.
Rose: Oh, you can't buy from a scalper! That's a crime!
Dorothy: So is eating grapes at the supermarket but you do that all the time.
Rose: I have to test them!
Dorothy: Rose, one is testing. Fourteen is brunch.
Rose: My God, I'm a criminal!

Daily Golden Girls: 12/17/11

Rose: Can I ask a dumb question?
Dorothy: Better than anyone I know…

Daily Golden Girls: 12/16/11

Dorothy: You know Ma, you don't look good.
Sophia: I'm short and old. What are you expecting? Princess Di?

Daily Golden Girls: 12/15/11

Blanche: My whole life is an open book.
Sophia: Your whole life is an open blouse!

Daily Golden Girls: 12/14/11

Rose: Oh Sophia, I want to explain about last night. When I was a little girl one summer we had a terrible thunderstorm...
Sophia: Excuse me Rose, have I given any indication at all that I care?

Daily Golden Girls: 12/13/11

[After robbers break into the home]

Rose: They were probably looking for drugs.
Dorothy: We have Maalox and Estrogen. And how many junkies have gas and hot flashes?

Condoms! Condoms! Condoms!

Daily Golden Girls: 12/11/11

Blanche: This is strictly off the record but Dirk's nearly five years younger than I am.
Dorothy: In what, Blanche? Dog years?

Daily Golden Girls: 12/10/11

Sophia: For starters, Jean is a lesbian.
Dorothy: Ma!
Blanche: What's funny about that?
Sophia: You aren't surprised?
Blanche: Of course not. I mean I've never known any personally, but isn't Danny Thomas one?
Dorothy: Not Lebanese, Blanche. LESBIAN.

Daily Golden Girls: 12/09/11

Dorothy: Ma, I do not snore.
Sophia: Please, I had to turn you away from the windows so you wouldn't inhale the drapes!

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